Tuesday, June 30, 2009
We Done Got Hitched!
In the words of my Grandmother, we did have "a big church wedding!" Most importantly we enjoyed our weekend and were so happy to celebrate with almost all of our family and friends. It is so surreal to have people from all over the place together at once. It really is euphoric. I am now a Mrs. but I think I'll stick with Ms. I'm adding Aaron's name to mine, but keeping my roots too. Maybe it is all the years of speaking Spanish, but I really do not see a problem with 4 + names. I have at least one friend who agrees, right Danial Michael Patrick? I am now AVRB! I could get seriously Catholic and add on my confirmation name too and be AVCRB!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Molicia Sue-Ann Ashley 2006-2009.
Molicia was born in St. Vincent when her mother, Alesha, was just 14. She struggled in her first days of life because she was born with a rare congenital heart defect that prevented oxygen filled blood to circulate properly throughout her tiny body. She somehow managed to survive in the hospital for three months, until she grew strong enough to go home. Through the efforts and advocacy of many people, Molicia was able to travel to Richmond to receive surgery that she needed to survive, but because her defect was so complex, doctors knew that she would need more than one surgery. Still, everyone rallied around this little shining life because they knew that she would make it. A nurse traveled with her in 2006 and she had open heart surgery here in Richmond through the organization that I work for, International Hospital for Children (IHC).
(IHC works to connect children in Latin America and the Caribbean with life saving treatments that are otherwise unavailable to them due to circumstances and geography. I have helped to coordinate the care of over 200 children here in Richmond over the last 7 years, there are thousands more that live improved lives because of the efforts and contributions that are mobilized through IHC.)
While Molicia was here in the summer of 2006 with a nurse as her guardian, they stayed at the Hospital Hospitality House (HHH). My colleague, Lauren and I became close with both of them and took as special liking to Molicia’s (then named Ashley - long story) lovable smile and gentle attitude. She was a bright baby, perhaps because of all that she had faced in her teeny life span. She went home to St. Vincent after just five weeks with us here and went on to grow and play and thrive. When I saw her a year later while I was working with a cardiac diagnostic mission, she was running and jumping and dancing! I told Alesha “wow she is so strong and vibrant! You would never know that she has a sick heart!” Alesha then told me that she did still feel overwhelmed by being a mom, she was 15. She asked me seriously if I wanted to take Molicia home with me. I said “I would love to, but I can’t adopt a baby right now. I know you will become an even stronger mom and take in all the joy of having Molicia with you!” She left the clinic after Molicia’s echocardiogram and I didn’t see them again until two years later, March 2009, working again on the same assignment in St. Vincent.
This time, Molicia had grown even more beautiful than the last and was so content, just emanating smiles and happiness. I dreaded to hear that her home conditions were worse and that her young mom was unable to provide her with the parenting that she needed. I was so WRONG! Alesha had also grown more beautiful and confident in her role as Molicia’s mom. She sat patiently waiting for much of the day with a very well behaved three year old little girl. I have seen first-hand what loose discipline and negative parenting can do to a child’s behavior in this setting and it was clear that Molicia was so well loved and cared for that she was happy to just be with her mom behave! Molicia had her echo and the doctor confirmed that she needed her second surgery within the next six months. I chatted with Alesha, snapped a few photos, and said goodbye saying that I would see them in a few months!
After much planning and scrounging up funds for travel on their end, they did come again to Richmond on June 1. I have been so overwhelmed with wedding planning, pre-celebrations, finishing up with my NP management certification and leadership training and just life in general, that I did not make the time to go see Alesha and Molicia. I knew that they were in good hands with her doctors and nurses as well as IHC staff and volunteers. She went in for surgery on Monday and everything went very well. Within a day she was extubated (breathing on her own) and talking to mommy about how she was hungry and that she was in pain, which was to be expected during recovery. But Tuesday night, it all went downhill. She started having trouble breathing and the nurses in the PICU responded in many ways. Her breathing became more and more labored and they couldn’t determine the cause. A friend of IHC’s and mine, Jimmy, who is a PICU nurse called my colleague, Emily, to tell her to bring mom from the HHH to the hospital. Within an hour, Molicia had coded and was not responding to any medication or chest compressions. She passed away. She died.
Emily called me through that process, but my phone was on silent. These last few weeks I have been so careless about that even though I am supposed to be on call 24/7for these types of emergencies. I saw my phone when I woke up to go running at 6:15 and I just knew. I was in shock. Molicia had NO indication that she was going to respond badly to any of her treatments. I didn’t even brush my teeth or hair and just sped down 95 thinking WHAT THE FUCK!? Why?! I tend to not cry over patient hardships, this is my job. But little Molicia was our shining star. We loved her and knew her better than most of the great kids that we work with. Also, she wasn’t sick! She was doing great the night before?! This can’t even be real. But it was. Her mom was sitting there handling everything OK. I think she has had to deal with so many hardships with Molicia that she just developed strong coping skills. This being the second time this year that I have worked with a deceased child in the MCV PICU I didn’t feel in business mode. I knew what to expect and just focused on my emotions.
I couldn’t accept what had happened. But Alesha’s strength and outlook enlightened me. She was talking to a very gentle and spiritual nurse about Molicia. The nurse was asking about the last surgery. Alesha said that Molicia was very sick when she was born but that she made it to her first surgery. Then she continued “she needed that surgery so that she could…” and I thought she was going to say “make it to her next surgery,” which was my professional coordinating mind taking over. But she didn’t say that. She said,
“she needed that surgery so that we could have more time together.”
And Alesha was right. I had been freaking out in my mind that I was so saddened by her death and so angry and worried that it had to happen right as I was starting to enter the euphoria phase of being about to get married in under two weeks. I had been thinking, why?! Will I forever have to associate my wedding with this sad death? Will such a tragedy overshadow my happiness, dampen my happy memories? But at that moment, watching Alesha stand over Molicias little body, I knew that this was not the case, Molicia was now our little angel. Her exuberant happiness and smile, now immortalized, will be with her mom in hard times and good ones, and will be the memory that I hold of her, even in her death.
(IHC works to connect children in Latin America and the Caribbean with life saving treatments that are otherwise unavailable to them due to circumstances and geography. I have helped to coordinate the care of over 200 children here in Richmond over the last 7 years, there are thousands more that live improved lives because of the efforts and contributions that are mobilized through IHC.)
While Molicia was here in the summer of 2006 with a nurse as her guardian, they stayed at the Hospital Hospitality House (HHH). My colleague, Lauren and I became close with both of them and took as special liking to Molicia’s (then named Ashley - long story) lovable smile and gentle attitude. She was a bright baby, perhaps because of all that she had faced in her teeny life span. She went home to St. Vincent after just five weeks with us here and went on to grow and play and thrive. When I saw her a year later while I was working with a cardiac diagnostic mission, she was running and jumping and dancing! I told Alesha “wow she is so strong and vibrant! You would never know that she has a sick heart!” Alesha then told me that she did still feel overwhelmed by being a mom, she was 15. She asked me seriously if I wanted to take Molicia home with me. I said “I would love to, but I can’t adopt a baby right now. I know you will become an even stronger mom and take in all the joy of having Molicia with you!” She left the clinic after Molicia’s echocardiogram and I didn’t see them again until two years later, March 2009, working again on the same assignment in St. Vincent.
This time, Molicia had grown even more beautiful than the last and was so content, just emanating smiles and happiness. I dreaded to hear that her home conditions were worse and that her young mom was unable to provide her with the parenting that she needed. I was so WRONG! Alesha had also grown more beautiful and confident in her role as Molicia’s mom. She sat patiently waiting for much of the day with a very well behaved three year old little girl. I have seen first-hand what loose discipline and negative parenting can do to a child’s behavior in this setting and it was clear that Molicia was so well loved and cared for that she was happy to just be with her mom behave! Molicia had her echo and the doctor confirmed that she needed her second surgery within the next six months. I chatted with Alesha, snapped a few photos, and said goodbye saying that I would see them in a few months!
After much planning and scrounging up funds for travel on their end, they did come again to Richmond on June 1. I have been so overwhelmed with wedding planning, pre-celebrations, finishing up with my NP management certification and leadership training and just life in general, that I did not make the time to go see Alesha and Molicia. I knew that they were in good hands with her doctors and nurses as well as IHC staff and volunteers. She went in for surgery on Monday and everything went very well. Within a day she was extubated (breathing on her own) and talking to mommy about how she was hungry and that she was in pain, which was to be expected during recovery. But Tuesday night, it all went downhill. She started having trouble breathing and the nurses in the PICU responded in many ways. Her breathing became more and more labored and they couldn’t determine the cause. A friend of IHC’s and mine, Jimmy, who is a PICU nurse called my colleague, Emily, to tell her to bring mom from the HHH to the hospital. Within an hour, Molicia had coded and was not responding to any medication or chest compressions. She passed away. She died.
Emily called me through that process, but my phone was on silent. These last few weeks I have been so careless about that even though I am supposed to be on call 24/7for these types of emergencies. I saw my phone when I woke up to go running at 6:15 and I just knew. I was in shock. Molicia had NO indication that she was going to respond badly to any of her treatments. I didn’t even brush my teeth or hair and just sped down 95 thinking WHAT THE FUCK!? Why?! I tend to not cry over patient hardships, this is my job. But little Molicia was our shining star. We loved her and knew her better than most of the great kids that we work with. Also, she wasn’t sick! She was doing great the night before?! This can’t even be real. But it was. Her mom was sitting there handling everything OK. I think she has had to deal with so many hardships with Molicia that she just developed strong coping skills. This being the second time this year that I have worked with a deceased child in the MCV PICU I didn’t feel in business mode. I knew what to expect and just focused on my emotions.
I couldn’t accept what had happened. But Alesha’s strength and outlook enlightened me. She was talking to a very gentle and spiritual nurse about Molicia. The nurse was asking about the last surgery. Alesha said that Molicia was very sick when she was born but that she made it to her first surgery. Then she continued “she needed that surgery so that she could…” and I thought she was going to say “make it to her next surgery,” which was my professional coordinating mind taking over. But she didn’t say that. She said,
“she needed that surgery so that we could have more time together.”
And Alesha was right. I had been freaking out in my mind that I was so saddened by her death and so angry and worried that it had to happen right as I was starting to enter the euphoria phase of being about to get married in under two weeks. I had been thinking, why?! Will I forever have to associate my wedding with this sad death? Will such a tragedy overshadow my happiness, dampen my happy memories? But at that moment, watching Alesha stand over Molicias little body, I knew that this was not the case, Molicia was now our little angel. Her exuberant happiness and smile, now immortalized, will be with her mom in hard times and good ones, and will be the memory that I hold of her, even in her death.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Small town girl texting small town boy about international aspirations.
I am a small town girl. Things like Whole Foods, YMCA's and magnate schools were not a part of my youth. I grew up in a town where everyone literally knew everyone else. Sometimes I miss it, but most of the times NOT. Hats off to all those American women who make their lives work in a small town. I'm torn between Mayberry and Milan in my mind.
I am a small town girl. Last weekend I was on an extremely brief visit to Harrisonburg for my final wedding dress fitting. It went well. I arrived to the dress shop to be greeted by one of the staff there who happens to have just married the cousin of one of my friends' boyfriends. That guy happens to be the son of my sister-in-law's coworker who all work for their family's engeneering firm which is located across the street from one of my best friends apartments which is situated next to her Aunt's house who I know from tagging along on their family vacations in the 90s. While in the dress shop, I see the other girls who have been helping me through this process and wish one of them well for her wedding. Then I head down to the farmer's market with my mom to pick up some awesome herbs where I run in to an old good friend's parents. We chat at length (about religion for some reason during which my mom mentions that she was raised half Pentocostal, half Mennonite) until both of us see other people that we know and have to go on those directions. Also spotted at the farmer's market: A group of girls that I grew up going to church with and their children, the same guy who sold me a bunch of herbs last month, mainly Mennonite women selling veggies, flowers and other crafts, and countless other familiar faces. Then I go to our family's fave restaurant, Taste of Thai to pick up lunch to take to my grandma's house where I also see a million people that I somehow know. On the way to Grandma's I pass the old high school and all of the familiar houses that I have been looking at since 1980. Then it is off to dad's house, where I grew up, we sit and talk with his crazy friend (think mildly intellectual, morose, disabled aging hippy) while my dad complains that we are holding him up from yard work. Then I get a strange text from an unknown 540 (Harrisonburg) number. The fun begins and the exchange goes like this:
540-###-####: "How's Sicily?"
(me pondering the bizarre questions) Is this person texting a friend who is visiting Italy?? Who text's to Europe?!
Ashley's response: "It is everything that I ever hoped and dreamed that it would be!"
(minutes later)
540-###-####: "Great! It really helps that you two knew each other a few years ago"
(Whhuuut?! Me wondering what in the hell this all means!?) At this point I explain to my dad and his crazy friend what is going on and ask for their help in formulating creative responses to this person who clearly has the wrong #.
(My dad's friend comes up with this one)
Ashley's response: "Next year we are thinking of visiting Japan"
minutes later as we all stare at my phone on the kitchen table in anticipation.
540-###-####: "really? me too, we have friends there and we go snowboarding in the north, too."
OK wow - this person is really rolling with our punches (and has some great contacts)...I get ballsy...
Ashley's response: "Do you have any friends in Egypt because we would also like to visit the great pyramids after making our pilgrimage from Mecca to Medina"
540-###-####: "no I don’t. That would be awesome if you could make that happen!"
(my dad's friend also comes up with this one)
Ashley's response: "I can dream, can't I?"
...bring it back to reality and try to save ourselves from the Mecca to Medina comment.
At this point I feel that this is someone that I know, but just dont have their number programmed into my phone.
(about an hour later and I am on the road back to RVA)
540-###-####: "Yes, just envision your dreams and you can make them happen!! :)"
wow - inspirational advice!? I'm feeling guilty about being mildly deceitful to this person now. I freeze up and cop out by sending a quote from Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. Hear the Spanish accent in your mind.
Ashley's response: "If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true"
After arriving home/back to reality my guilty conscience took over. I texted the person apologizing for joking around and told them who I was and asked if they know me. I got a response the next morning from someone that I have known since the early days of chillin’ on the "slopes" at Massanutten. I knew it must have been an old friend! He said that Sicily was his CAT that he gave away to another friend named Ashley a few weeks ago. I guess I wasn't the only one playing around! Hahahaah. hey Jeremy - I want to go snowboarding in JAPAN! Let me tag along next time. Konnichiwa!
I am a small town girl. Last weekend I was on an extremely brief visit to Harrisonburg for my final wedding dress fitting. It went well. I arrived to the dress shop to be greeted by one of the staff there who happens to have just married the cousin of one of my friends' boyfriends. That guy happens to be the son of my sister-in-law's coworker who all work for their family's engeneering firm which is located across the street from one of my best friends apartments which is situated next to her Aunt's house who I know from tagging along on their family vacations in the 90s. While in the dress shop, I see the other girls who have been helping me through this process and wish one of them well for her wedding. Then I head down to the farmer's market with my mom to pick up some awesome herbs where I run in to an old good friend's parents. We chat at length (about religion for some reason during which my mom mentions that she was raised half Pentocostal, half Mennonite) until both of us see other people that we know and have to go on those directions. Also spotted at the farmer's market: A group of girls that I grew up going to church with and their children, the same guy who sold me a bunch of herbs last month, mainly Mennonite women selling veggies, flowers and other crafts, and countless other familiar faces. Then I go to our family's fave restaurant, Taste of Thai to pick up lunch to take to my grandma's house where I also see a million people that I somehow know. On the way to Grandma's I pass the old high school and all of the familiar houses that I have been looking at since 1980. Then it is off to dad's house, where I grew up, we sit and talk with his crazy friend (think mildly intellectual, morose, disabled aging hippy) while my dad complains that we are holding him up from yard work. Then I get a strange text from an unknown 540 (Harrisonburg) number. The fun begins and the exchange goes like this:
540-###-####: "How's Sicily?"
(me pondering the bizarre questions) Is this person texting a friend who is visiting Italy?? Who text's to Europe?!
Ashley's response: "It is everything that I ever hoped and dreamed that it would be!"
(minutes later)
540-###-####: "Great! It really helps that you two knew each other a few years ago"
(Whhuuut?! Me wondering what in the hell this all means!?) At this point I explain to my dad and his crazy friend what is going on and ask for their help in formulating creative responses to this person who clearly has the wrong #.
(My dad's friend comes up with this one)
Ashley's response: "Next year we are thinking of visiting Japan"
minutes later as we all stare at my phone on the kitchen table in anticipation.
540-###-####: "really? me too, we have friends there and we go snowboarding in the north, too."
OK wow - this person is really rolling with our punches (and has some great contacts)...I get ballsy...
Ashley's response: "Do you have any friends in Egypt because we would also like to visit the great pyramids after making our pilgrimage from Mecca to Medina"
540-###-####: "no I don’t. That would be awesome if you could make that happen!"
(my dad's friend also comes up with this one)
Ashley's response: "I can dream, can't I?"
...bring it back to reality and try to save ourselves from the Mecca to Medina comment.
At this point I feel that this is someone that I know, but just dont have their number programmed into my phone.
(about an hour later and I am on the road back to RVA)
540-###-####: "Yes, just envision your dreams and you can make them happen!! :)"
wow - inspirational advice!? I'm feeling guilty about being mildly deceitful to this person now. I freeze up and cop out by sending a quote from Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. Hear the Spanish accent in your mind.
Ashley's response: "If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true"
After arriving home/back to reality my guilty conscience took over. I texted the person apologizing for joking around and told them who I was and asked if they know me. I got a response the next morning from someone that I have known since the early days of chillin’ on the "slopes" at Massanutten. I knew it must have been an old friend! He said that Sicily was his CAT that he gave away to another friend named Ashley a few weeks ago. I guess I wasn't the only one playing around! Hahahaah. hey Jeremy - I want to go snowboarding in JAPAN! Let me tag along next time. Konnichiwa!
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